Insecurities – those gnawing self-doubts and fears that can creep into your thoughts, casting shadows on your self-esteem and planting seeds of doubt. Until you find yourself repeating the words, "I'm not good enough. I can't do it."  

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Everyone feels insecure from time to time - it's a feeling we've all experienced at least once in our lives. Insecurities often come naturally with change, when starting a new job or entering a new relationship. They can affect all areas of our lives - our appearance, abilities, jobs, relationships, and more. For many, these insecurities manifest as feelings of inadequacy or fear, potentially affecting our lives and the choices we make and, at worst, leaving us with regrets for having been afraid to embrace life when we had the chance (Goldsmith, 2024).  

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The roots of insecurities

Insecurity is a complex emotion and often stems from our inner beliefs about ourselves. Various life experiences can shape these inner beliefs with our childhood often forming their foundation. However, societal expectations such as media portrayals of "perfection" or traumatic experiences can also affect our self-image. It could be a lack of validation you experienced growing up that you needed to build your self-confidence. Unrealistic expectations, whether imposed by yourself or your environment, can also lead to feelings of insecurity as you try to live up to these unattainable standards. Insecurities can come from a variety of sources (Greenberg, 2015).

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How insecurity might reflect in your daily life:

Insecurities often manifest themselves in subtle, insidious ways: you might find yourself avoiding social situations, turning down opportunities, or sabotaging yourself. These behaviors are coping mechanisms designed to protect you from potential judgment or failure. But they can cause you to miss out on things you might have actually enjoyed experiencing, or worse, they can prevent you from growing and living a life that fulfills you because you might be living your life always considering what other people think, how you are perceived or doing the things that feel and look "safe".

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What to do against insecurities?

One of the first steps you can take is to acknowledge your insecurities, accept them, and have the courage to express them. Everyone feels insecure about at least one thing in their lives, and many others share the same concerns - remember, you're not alone. You might want to start by asking yourself what specifically makes you feel insecure, what the source of your insecurity is, what you are truly afraid of, and why you feel this way about it.

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Your insecurities might also not reflect your true self or the reality. When self-doubts cloud your mind, ask yourself if there's any evidence for your negative self-talk, whether it's based on assumptions or facts. We often tend to assume the worst, imagining that others are judging or ridiculing us. If possible, try to challenge your thoughts/beliefs with more realistic and positive thoughts. You might want to look at it from a different perspective by thinking about the positive outcomes of doing something, being a certain way, or whatever it is you're afraid of.

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But if the insecurity really bothers you, you might want to think about whether you can make some improvements in the areas where you feel insecure. Whether it's taking a class,practicing a hobby, or anything else that's within your power to change. Try to also build your confidence by recognizing your strengths and celebrating all of your accomplishments, no matter how small.

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Another question to ask yourself is: What standards and expectations do I live by? You might feel insecure because you are a perfectionist or have a perfectionist tendency, which means that you may set unrealistic standards and goals for yourself, find yourself endlessly criticizing yourself, and constantly revisiting past mistakes. This type of perfectionism is often accompanied by a fear of failure. Of course, there's a healthy side to perfectionism, but it usually involves realistic goals, an achievable path to them, and not constant perfection. So, if you find yourself embodying negative perfectionism, try challenging it.  Remember that you don't have to be perfect all the time. Nobody is perfect and nobody has to be. It's okay to take a break, have bad days, make mistakes, and fail - everyone does.

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Try not to compare yourself to others. It's so easy these days to compare yourself not only to the people in your life and environment but to the dozens of other people you see on social media. But everyone experiences life differently and at a different pace. You're not behind in life, you're in the moment of creating the life you want and you've already accomplished so much. you don't even know if the life you envy online or in real life is the life that will actually make you happy.

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Sometimes, it can also help you to open up to someone about your insecurities. You don't have to pretend to be "perfect" and hide the parts of yourself that make you feel insecure. Your insecurities are what make you human. Talking about them with someone can help you get the confidence boost you need whenever your self-doubts overshadow your confidence. They can help you put your thoughts into perspective and give you the reassurance you need. If your insecurities are deeply ingrained or severely impacting your life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional for tailored guidance and support. Needing help or words of encouragement is not a sign of weakness.

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Remember that overcoming insecurities is a journey and not an overnight process. There might be times when you feel insecure about something you thought you had overcome, but this is also natural. Insecurities may never entirely disappear, but they can lose their power over you. What defines you is not their presence but how you rise above them; you can transform insecurities from obstacles into stepping stones on the path to self-acceptance.

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Sources:

Goldsmith, B. (2024, February 7). Overcoming Insecurity and Restoring Emotional Well-being | Psychology Today. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/emotional-fitness/202311/overcoming-insecurity-and-fostering-emotional-well-being

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Greenberg, M. (2015, December 6). The 3 Most Common Causes of Insecurity and How to Beat Them | Psychology Today. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201512/the-3-most-common-causes-of-insecurity-and-how-to-beat-them

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