A fight with parents, siblings, friends or maybe the boss - haven't we all experienced this before. Conflict is a part of every human relationship. Whether it is in your personal relationship, a work environment, or even a community setting, conflict is bound to occur whenever people with different opinions, goals, or values come together. It's an inevitable part of human interaction, but typically not the most pleasant. 

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At its core, conflict is a sign of difference - whether in perceptions, needs, or interests. And the key to resolving conflict usually lies in not erasing these differences but in finding ways to work through them constructively (Lancer, 2020).

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Preventing Conflicts

As inevitable as conflicts may be when interacting with other human beings, there are some steps you can take to minimize the amount of conflict in your life.

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First, it can help to be aware of your own conflict approach. Everyone has a different way of dealing with disagreements; some may want to tackle the problem head on, while others may do everything they can to avoid conflict. There's no right or wrong approach; each behavior has different advantages and disadvantages. But it can be helpful to know how you deal with conflict and how your approach might affect or clash with the other person during a disagreement (Campbell et al., 2005).

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While values, opinions, and needs can clash or be tolerated to varying degrees depending on the situation, it's important to recognize the differences between people. Each of us was raised in a different environment, with different values, and carries unique baggage from the past. Trying to understand and accept this may help you see their point of view, or understand why they think and feel the way they do, even if you don’t agree. This also includes acknowledging criticism or hearing difficult truths about yourself. 

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Another important aspect is establishing and communicating boundaries. Boundaries are your personal guidelines for how you wish to be treated and the limits you set to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. As essential as it is to have your own boundaries, respecting the boundaries of others is equally important. Setting and honoring boundaries can help prevent many conflicts.

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How to deal with conflicts

What to do now that a conflict has arisen?

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Emotions tend to run high during disagreements, but it’s crucial to try to stay calm and composed to not escalate the situation. This doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valid, but it will make communication easier if you try to take a deep breath, stay calm, and approach the situation with a clear mind.

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Try to identify the cause of the conflict. Consider asking questions to get to the heart of the issue, as what seems to be the problem on the surface may be merely the tip of more deeper, underlying issues that have built up over time. Understanding the root cause can help you find a lasting solution.

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It's important to practice active listening during a conflict. Active listening involves giving your full attention to the speaker, acknowledging their feelings, and validating their perspective. Feeling heard can reduce tension and create a safe environment for open and honest expression. It doesn't mean that you agree with their point of view, but it does  demonstrate respect for their point of view.

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Once you've listened to everything the other person has to say, it’s important to share your perspective as well. Using "I" statements instead of "you" statements can help avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel frustrated because..." instead of "You frustrate me because...". 

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Even in the most heated conflicts, common interests often exist. Try to find areas of agreement or common ground as a starting point for negotiation. Identifying these can help bridge opposing sides and facilitate a better resolution. 

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Encouraging open dialogue is crucial for brainstorming potential solutions. Be open to suggestions from the other person while also sharing your ideas. The goal is to find a compromise that satisfies both parties to some extent. You might want to create a plan outlining what each side needs to do to resolve the issue, and discuss the progress after a set period of time. Keep in mind that conflicts may not be resolved in a single conversation; they often require more time and discussion.

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While conflicts can feel daunting, embracing them as part of the complexity of human relationships can lead to growth, understanding and stronger relationships. 

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Sources:

Campbell, L., Simpson, J. A., Boldry, J., & Kashy, D. A. (2005). Perceptions of Conflict and Support in Romantic Relationships: The Role of Attachment Anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(3), 510–531. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.88.3.510

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Lancer, D. (2020, February 19). How to Handle Conflict Effectively | Psychology Today. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/toxic-relationships/202002/how-to-handle-conflict-effectively

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