We all want to be in healthy relationships — where we feel safe and secure. But recognizing and being in a healthy relationship doesn't always come naturally, because the truth is, we learn how to be in what seems to be a healthy relationship; but it usually takes more than just mutual feelings to make it work. 

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The blueprint for our relationships often comes from the first relationships we had in life — whether it be with our parents, siblings, other family members or  peers. It can explain our behavior, the roles we play, and the cycles we get stuck in. Still, most of us know or have a basic understanding of what a healthy relationship should look and feel like.
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Why are relationships important?

Humans are social beings. We all crave human connection and the feeling of belongingness. We are meant to live with others and rely on them physically as well as emotionally. Parts of who we are, beliefs about ourselves and the world, have been built through our relationships. If we’re stuck in unhealthy relationships, it can impact our emotional well-being, our personal growth, and other/future relationships of ours (Umberson & Montez, 2010). And even if the relationship won’t last, knowing you tried your best to make it work can bring you a sense of peace.

What is needed to create a well-functioning relationship? 

One of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship is self-awareness. It starts with understanding yourself, including your needs, triggers, and boundaries. Your relationships can bring out sides of you that you never knew existed. And when you understand yourself, you'll better understand the issues you face in your relationships, and more importantly, it will help you communicate effectively about yourself and your problems. 

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Open and honest communication is also a central aspect of a well-functioning relationship. It's important to create a space where both of you feel safe to express your needs, desires, and concerns without the fear of judgment or backlash. Disagreements and challenges are normal in relationships, but it's important to actively listen to each other, reflect, and try to empathize with each other. This will help build trust and make each other feel seen and heard in the relationship. 

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In general, respect and acceptance play an important role in relationships. No one can meet all your needs, and the both of you might also have different standards and expectations. Your ways of expressing affection and care might vary as well. Although you might only want to show your best self in the beginning, with time you’ll realize that there are parts that are great and parts that are less great about each person. The truth is that no one wants to be idealized, but we all want to be accepted for who we are. And it's up to the two of you whether you can tolerate the complex layers of each other in your relationship and make it work. 

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Set and clearly communicate your boundaries. Boundaries can be both physical and emotional; they represent your comfort level, needs, and wants. They are your personal guidelines for how you want to be treated and the limits you set for yourself to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being. Respecting each other's boundaries can help build trust and mutual understanding in the relationship. 

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Everyone is unique; their past and present shape who they are, and they will likely continue to change in the future. In fact, you're both individuals outside of the  relationship - constantly evolving, exploring different facets of your personalities, alongside expanding your horizons. The longer the relationship lasts, the more you realize that you are in it with several versions of the same person, and of course the dynamics within the relationship might change because of that. It's about growing together while respecting each other's personal journeys, which is crucial for the long-term health and happiness of your relationship.

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Creating a healthy relationship takes time. Circumstances, situations, and life can all impact your relationship - no relationship is perfect. Building and maintaining a healthy relationship is an ongoing journey that requires effort, patience, and understanding, but the time and energy invested in nurturing a strong, supportive connection are worthwhile, as they allow you to share your life with the right people.

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Sources:

Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 51(Suppl), S54–S66. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022146510383501

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